36 Years Later...

I've Stopped Waiting For Today To Be Easier

Had a bit of writer’s block today. Actually that’s not quite accurate. My heart and mind wanted to write about two different things. I finally decided to go with my heart and skip the rest of the stuff that’s in my head. Unfortunately, the world will still be falling apart tomorrow.

36 years ago today I delivered my first baby boy. 8 lbs., 14 ounces, dark hair, perfect. Perfect that is except for the congenital heart defect we didn’t know about until he was born. His story was brief and didn’t end well.

Life went on as life tends to do. Three more sons, one grandson and now a granddaughter due in May. So many blessings. None of which I take for granted. Not for a single second do I ever forget how fortunate I am.

But once a year, I am acutely aware that for my first son, life didn’t go on. And I think about all that he missed out on. And all that I missed out on. 36 years later it’s still painful. I now know that until my last breath (or until I get daffy) March 24^th will never be my best day. It’s just how it is.

This morning my youngest son went to a funeral for one of his frat brothers. The grave diggers didn’t show up so the mourners had to fill in the hole. My son mentioned how sad his friend’s mother was. Yeah.

For all the moms (and dads) out there who have had to bury a child, I’m sending you a hug.

I’ll be taking the rest of the day off.

xo Marlene