I Asked "Would You Rather Have Explosive Diarrhea Or Listen To Trump?"

The Answers Did Not Disappoint

This morning on my Facebook page, Thoughts From Aisle 4, I posed the question “Would you rather have explosive diarrhea or listen to Trump address the nation?”

When I look a little while ago, I had 650 responses. And they did not disappoint. So I figured I’d share some of the best ones here on my Substack. Enjoy.

- I already have diarrhea so at least now I feel like I’m getting something out of it

- A choice?? Let me go run out and buy all the bagged lettuce at the store.

- I’d take the produce diarrhea- at least I know how it ends and it has a point!

- Break out the high dollar tp! The stuff with the quilting for my battered backdoor.

- I do have a pair of shorts in my closet that I promised myself I would get into…

- A new title for your next book!

- Equally disgusting

- Very easy- I’ll be in the bathroom if anyone needs me

- I have a big supply of diapers within reach

- Eating a bagged salad now

-How long would the diarrhea last?

- Could you imagine both at the same time? Ugh (and no, I can’t)

- There is no good choice here

-Oh, so the actual question is: “Who would you rather have diarrhea? You or your TV?”

- Ooh lordy beeee! Wow there’s going to be a run on tp! We’re in for a shortage again!

- Is this even a real question?

- Six, seven Marlene

- My stomach cramps either way

- I have to prep for a colonoscopy tomorrow anyway so the decision has been made for me. But that would have been my choice anyway. (good luck with the colonoscopy mate!)

- One is temporary, one is constant

- Can’t it just be watery?

- Tomato, tomahto

- Either way I’d be praying for it to stop

- I’ve got lots of tp but I’m pretty short on patience these days

- The option that lets me sit in a quiet room by myself and scroll on my iPad. You do the math.

- I choose the lettuce

- Can I just get root canal therapy without anesthesia instead?

- I don’t understand… this is like asking if you want apples or apples. I mean, they’re the same thing.

- How is this even a question? I just need to be sure my phone is charged since I’ll be sitting on the toilet for so long.

- Decisions, decisions. Pass the lettuce.

- Welp- I have had both and I would choose option A

- Does it have to be explosive?

- “Grabs a book.” I’ll be in my bathroom.

- Trick question, they’re the same

- That’s a hard question, but at least with explosive diarrhea I might lose a few pounds.

- I’ll take the explosive bowels for 5 Bob

- That’s a no-brainer. I’ll go with diarrhea for 600 Alex.

- I usually hate “would you rather” but this one is easy

- Is there a difference? Asking for a friend…

- The latter might cause the former

- When I listen to Trump, I get explosive diarrhea, so if I could have it without listening to him, I’ll take that

- Hard choice but I’ll take the runs.

- Either way it’s nothing but shit

- There is always Imodium

- Gimme the Taco Bell lettuce

- Hoping to avoid both

- I’ll grab the Charmin

- Good thing we went to Costco to stock up on tp

- I never thought I’d ever say that explosive diarrhea would ever be my pick… but here we are

I mean I laughed while compiling this. So many great responses and they keep coming in!

It looks like Trump’s speech will be a hard pass for most. Thanks for playing along and remember to wash your produce really well unless of course…

Xo Marlene